Nothing to Gain, Nothing to Lose



When I was a child I was an unbridled dreamer. I didn’t think of winning or losing or pros or cons in my quests of discovery. I simply moved in tandem with my soul.
This was not a selfish period of my life….rather the opposite. I believe our hearts are naturally bent towards others; serving, bringing joy, making someone feel as if they are accepted fully and loved unconditionally when they are with you. And so it was for blue-eyed Megan Wilson. 

I dreamed only of harnessing the non-tangibles~ friendship, love, generosity, curiosity and happiness. I giggled for hours with my best friends while painting our fingernails. I bought my first toaster when I was nine years old at a yard sale with my next door neighbor Robbie so we could set up house together. I spent weeks painting a picture to gift to a family member. I sat on the floor in front of my deaf grandmother, letting her soft, wrinkled hands wrap around mine, forming my fingers into the letters of the alphabet so we could talk. I wrote letters to my pen pal in Egypt. I learned recipes so I could bake for my mom. These were my goals. My dreams. Simple, I know. Yet, they filled this girl’s soul to the brim with purpose and joy.

Of late, my heart beats faster, racing to find that place of unbridledness again.

I cherish a business mind. I’m surrounded every day by some of the most creatively charged, highly motivated brains God has on Earth right now. And it’s awe-inspiring. I too have been said to have a business mind. On paper, I guess this is the case. But I really don’t. Not really. I don’t have the fight in me for the win or loss. Because the greater vision means more.

In the midst of building a career, I had forgotten that until someone recently reminded me.

Big things loom on my horizon. Some may play out and others may never fully develop and I’m unphased by the outcome. Because, if I can stay close to my soul~ it tells me to serve, bring joy and create a sense of home for everyone I meet. Everything else is icing on the cake.

I need to get back to those non-tangibles. I want everything I do to not be guided by a fear of losing or anticipation of gaining but for long-term reward that cannot be measured by man. That’s what my heart beats faster for.

The kisses of the wind pull the currents of the ocean back and forth. And on one night not too long ago. the ocean and the wind brought with it a mist. A kiss to my cheeks.  Soon the mist became tiny droplets of rain, which steadily gave over to a downpour. I took shelter under an alcove, large enough only for a small stone bench. And there I sat. And breathed deep the sounds and smells and unexpected treasure life had given me in that night. And my soul was filled.

“There is one spectacle grander than the sea, that is the sky; there is one spectacle grander than the sky, that is the interior of the soul.”  Victor Hugo, Les Misérables



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