Along with the story of how things have transpired over the past few months, I wanted to share with those who's hearts are bent towards God's goodness about my spiritual journey through this.
I have shared somewhat in my blog about our past as missionaries, how Mike and I met at a Bible college and how we have always desired to serve the Lord ~ in whatever way He asks.
Life in Kentucky (post missionary work) hasn't been the easiest road. We have struggled on so many fronts and I can only speak for myself when I say that my walk with the Lord has also been an interesting journey as I continually struggle with letting go of control, pride and self ambition to allow Him to write my life's testimony...that isn't easy.
Mike's layoff proved to be a real test of my faith. The hurt went quite deep, for reasons I had to really search to figure out. A dear friend lovingly shared that indeed it was my pride that was causing me such deep disappointment and sadness. That was a hard pill to swallow but a true eyeopener that much of what I was feeling was shame in our situation and embarrassment in having to allow others to help us. I felt like we were doing everything “right” so why were we coming up against such hardships and trials? Thankfully our Father is so gentle and loving in Spirit and He allowed me to come to Him with all of this. I just plopped it all down and said “here God. Here is my junk that is swimming around inside my head and heart each day and I need Your help to sort through it and get things back on track.” And of course...He did. He always does.
In this same time I began reading through the Bible in a year. I have read the Bible in its entirety in Bible college but it was more for the scholarly aspect of it. I have never read it cover to cover simply to know God more deeply from beginning to end. Also at this time I picked up a book at a used book store by Joyce Meyer called “Straight Talk; Overcoming Emotional Battles With The Power of God's Word”. The combination the trials that we have been facing and spending more time in the Word and in additional resources has given me a more grounded, unshakeable, fulfilling faith in God than ever before.
Here are a few transformational truths:
- Wholeheartedly believing that God is leading me into a place of victory and triumph, not into a place of defeat.
This was something I really had to grapple with after the layoff. I felt like we were in a place of defeat and we certainly didn't lead ourselves there! I spent many hours reciting 2 Corinthians 2:14 which says “But thanks be to God, Who in Christ always leads us into triumph”. I had to decided if I truly believed this or not and if I did believe it, I needed to begin praising God for ALWAYS leading me into triumph ~ no matter what my current circumstances seem.
- Joyce Meyer says in her book, “Don't spend all your time trying to do something you are not good at. Instead, let God show you what you are good at”. She goes on to say, “we can only do what God has gifted us to do. If we try to do otherwise, we will feel pressured continually.” That last part hit me like a ton of bricks when I read it. I feel so much pressure so often. I think the blog world can do that, atleast to me. The creativity amongst us women is incredible and although I enjoy the creativity God has given me, I have put so much pressure on myself in recent years to continually produce, create and share. I don't know if you identify...maybe not...hopefully not. Processing this too has been a journey. Really getting down to the nitty gritty of “what do You want me to do with each day, God? What have You gifted me for? What is my special niche that only I can fill?”
- Insecurity. There is an entire section of Joyce Meyer's book on insecurity and I encourage all of you to read it. Its life changing. Proverbs 23:7 says, “for as a person thinks in his heart, so is he”.
Yes...so I am learning. Because of junk from my past I can tend to have feelings of self-doubt and an inability to feel like I deserve the best God has for me. Do you feel this way too? “Others opinions of us will never rise above the opinion we have of ourselves.”A HUGE transformation in my spiritual life has been changing the words I speak to myself and choosing to confess and speak words of truth from the Word aloud. When I feel doubt rise up in me ~ which happens a lot recently with so many amazing things happening right now in our lives that I feel unworthy of~ I speak out loud God's promises on my life. Joyce Meyer says, “Your spirit wants to produce tremendous things in your life. But if you always keep that spirit man pushed down by negative attitudes, thoughts and words, he will never rise up to bring you into the place God wants you to occupy, into the land He wants you to possess.”In all honesty, most people would probably be shocked that I struggle with issues with self doubt or unworthiness. I have done a great job over the years of covering it with practiced self confidence and cheerfulness. But its God's confidence that I desire. A true sense of confidence that I have favor with the Lord, that I have a call on my life, that I am the righteousness of God in Jesus Christ, that I have gifts and talents and God is using me.
I told my friend recently that I feel like our entire lives have been turned upside down within the matter of weeks. The hand of God orchestrating such out-of-the-ordinary events in such a quick amount of time is amazing. Our God isn't an ordinary God, is He? He amazes us and showers us with blessings in His set time.
It isn't a lottery win though (ha ha) and we have much hard work ahead of us. We're ready for it. More importantly we're ready to give all the glory back to Him and point others towards Him in all of it.
Please pray for us, if you think of it, in these coming weeks especially.
Praises:
*a commercial kitchen at relatively no cost, for now.
*we bought a $2000 mixer that we needed for the business for only $20 from a rough-around-the-edges pawn shop owner that had the kindest heart ever.
*The Suze Orman Show 10th Anniversary Special feature!!
*Lots of discounts have been given to Canaan and his company through all of this (website design, packaging labels, etc...) We have saved a ton of money for him.
*Canaan is keeping a level head about it all. He isn't rattled at all by the publicity he's receiving and he is just so grateful for these opportunities.
Prayer Requests:
*We're praying for some amazing things to come of Canaan's appearance on The Suze Orman Show. We're praying viewers are encouraged by his segment and that some really great opportunities come from it to expand and grow the business long-term.
*Praying that our finances remain stable as we venture into the “great unknown”. Pray that we continue to trust in Him, not in ourselves, to meet our needs.
*We are praying that we are excellent testimonies of His grace and His love.